i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
