Say something about gay babies.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
