goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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