dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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