he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
