So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
