I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
