dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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