i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
