I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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