I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
