***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
