my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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