It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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