i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
