And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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