i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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