So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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