Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
