How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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