worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
