i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
