Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
