Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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