Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
