next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
