If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
