I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
