Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
did i just pee glitter
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
