Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
