he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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