The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
