We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
