this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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