i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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