the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
