I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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