Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
