On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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