How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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