I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We left the knife in your bed.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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