...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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