not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize