Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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