your room smells of hookers.
And success
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
