How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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