i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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