i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
