From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You are a genius and a whore.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
