Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
