THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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