I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
