I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
