There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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