If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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