Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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