I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
