i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize