Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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