just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
