you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
