The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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