4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
my poor anus
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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