do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
