The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
