at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
