It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
love makes seman taste better
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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