Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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