I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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