Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
