Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Drunk is not a location!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
