you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
