At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He shit in the fireplace
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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