butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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